Since I’ve Been Gone

 

FLOWER

During my latest blogging silence, I’ve been doing a lot of things. I completed (*cough*, crushed) another quarter of college. I’m getting incredibly excited to dig into my major. I’ve continued working at Rooted in Rights, and learned so much about media and how truly important it is as a platform for change. I’ve had the opportunity to explore advocacy related to all different topics and discovering what it means to me as I strive to develop as a professional and a human being.  I’ve been able to experience friendship like I never have in my life. I’ve been falling more in love with my wonderful partner every day.  I’ve had emotions of all varieties, shapes, and sizes.

In my writing, I’ve opened up about a lot of my experiences and opinions. But, as I sit at home in Virginia, desperately wishing to be back at Seattle University, I can’t get something off my mind.

I had to drop out of Spring Quarter to have eye surgery, and after that one, my doctor and I came to the conclusion that it would be in my best interest to have another in my other eye. So, it’s scheduled for next week. Though my chronic illness is far from fatal, it is still stressful as hell. And while I do deal with physical pain related to my condition, the pain manifests itself psychologically more than anything else. So, I’ve been dealing with that a lot this past month since I’ve been home.

What I couldn’t shake when thinking about my writing is that while I’ve been very detailed and open about my glaucoma, my depression is something I rarely write about. Amazingly, one of my conditions that affects me just as much if not more than the other, has come in second place. The truth, I realized, is that I was holding myself back, wondering; what will the response be if I share, what will the consequences be?

Despite this, I want to write more over all, and I want to be more open and honest about the very real struggle I have with myself every day. Because truly, what worries me more than the consequences of sharing, is letting fear hold me back.